You know that feeling when something just isn’t right and you know that but you don’t know what’s wrong? Ya me too… for a few years now I’ve been suffering most of the time in silence but when I couldn’t get out of bed without help last year I finally reached out to my doctor to find out what was wrong. Thankfully I have a very compassionate and understanding doctor who takes her patience seriously and wants to help. She was very concerned for me and immediately sent me for a bunch of tests and mri scan. Where I live getting an mri takes months to happen so I knew it would be awhile but in the mean time she did a ton of other tests – ekg, blood work, urine samples…. and after all those tests came back she was pretty confident in her diagnoses but just to be 100% she sent me to see a specialist whom I saw a week later and he too confirmed my doctors diagnoses. As hard as the diagnoses was to accept and process at least we had answers and we could work toward getting on the right medication to elevate the symptoms. My dr encouraged me to still keep my mri appt even though we had a diagnoses just to make sure they weren’t missing anything – I agreed to do so and didn’t give the mri much thought until the day of my appt came. My dad (who is a warrior) has mri’s every 2 months due to his Glioblastoma (that he was diagnosed with 6 years ago and praise God he is still alive and doing well beating all odds and medical statistics) so naturally I asked him should I be scared since I’ve never had an mri and he said no it’s not scary just loud and weird sounds and you have to lay perfectly still. I was super nerveous once I arrived at the hospital late at night for my appt they so mri’s 24 hours a day so I was glad atleast my appt wasn’t in the middle of the night. I changed into my beautiful hospital gown and a sweet nurse came and took me into the room. She explained how I would lay on this bed they would slide me into this tube like structure and I couldn’t move for 30 min while the machine does it’s imagining and if I need out I had a call button. So I laid down she got me a warm blanket and tucked me in so in my head I was like “just nap Kate” this will be perfect little nap and don’t jump when you hear loud sounds. Well than she packs around my head with pillows and puts this scary plastic mask on my head and face- than I was a little more panicked but just closed my eyes and took slow breathes. Once the machine started it was loud (they make you wear ear plugs) and the oddest sounds it wasn’t too bad – at first but have you ever been told not to move? Because than all of a sudden you feel the need to move right?! All of a sudden my nose felt so itchy and ticklish but thankfully I didn’t move and after what felt a very long time the machine was done and I was being slide out of the tub like structure and we were done. I was so thankful to have that behind me and didn’t give it another thought.
(For context my appt was on a Thursday night now fast forward to Monday)
I had just walked out of one of my favorite stores (yes Homesense) loading the baby and a few new purchases into the car when my phone rang and I noticed it was my drs office but thought nothing of it since I had a scheduled appt the following week so I just assume it was regarding that so when I answered and the receptionist asked me to hold while she got my dr that was when I knew it wasn’t good news. My dr got on the phone and was so kind and said they had got my mri results which showed a cyst on my brain and I would be going to see a neurologist as soon as possible but since (once again) those appts can take a couple months even when it’s urgent she would put me on some meds to help with my side effects from the cyst. I sat in shock and couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I than in tears called my husband and just sat in utter shock- fast forward again and I was called and seen by the neurologist within days of that phone call which is unheard of she did some preliminary testing and felt I would be a good candidate for a new drug trial they are doing right now and it could help with my side effects and monitor the growth of the cyst by mri’s and if it continues to grow we would look at surgery. So tomorrow is the day I go and find out if I can indeed do this trial and I am praying I can not because I like needles (actually hate needles and this drug requires injections daily) but because I am ready to live a little pain free and I’m praying it will improve my quality of life – so if you believe in the power of prayer (which I do) I ask you to pray for me tomorrow as I see the neurologist and pray for peace that my anxiety would leave me alone. As much as fear is “ knocking on my door” I refuse to let it in- fear is just misplaced trust so I am choosing to stay positive and remind myself how thankful I am for drs and modern medicine.
*the cyst is not the entire cause of “all my problems* my drs original diagnoses is still indeed correct so I am taking medication to treat (there is no cure for my diagnoses) that illness the cyst and it’s symptoms are just added to it all if you will*