10 things I've learned about marriage!

June 16, 2007 the day I said yes to the man of my dreams! Before God and our family and friends I promised myself to Tom for life! Best decision I ever made and really the easiest yes! But that was 10 years ago and even though I thought I loved him than I can say that I love him more today than I did back than! A whole decade together as husband and wife and I would be lying if I said it was all easy! So today in honour of our 10 year anniversary I thought I would share 10 things I have learnt about marriage in the past 10 years!

Loving your spouse is not a feeling it is a choice! Ever day I wake up and I choose Tom. I choose to give him the best version (and I don’t always do this well) of myself. I choose to honour the vows and commitments I made to him on June 16, 2007 even when I don’t feel that warm and cozy feelings towards him.
Marriage is a commitment or covenant between two flawed humans. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. I am not perfect (shocking I know but trust me Tom will tell you its true) and suprsingly even though he made a smart choice in choosing me to be his wifey Tom is not perfect and therefore our marriage isn’t perfect it is a work in progress and every day we battle our fleshly desires to always put our marriage first.
Marriage is hard work! I am sure this doesn’t come as a suprise since I would say most relationships are hard. But when you live with someone and do life with them 24/7 there are bound to be tough moments and situations but how we respond and deal with them together is what makes our marriage work.
Marriage is team work! I can’t stress this one enough! Marriage doesn’t work if you only have one person giving it their all. It is a team work where each person is giving 100%. Sure there are days when Tom is contributing to our marriage in a much more positive manner than I am and vice versa! We together complete each other but our team is only as strong as we are and it works best when we are giving it are all.
Make time to do things for yourselves. It is no suprise that men and women are very different and therefore the things that we enjoy to do are very different. It is important for me to make time to do things I enjoy and it is equally as important for Tom to do things that fill him up and that he enjoys and finds refreshing!
Make time for each other! This is probably so very obviously but sadly something that Tom and I really struggle with. If you follow me on Instagram you will already know that right now we are away on a little anniversary trip and this is the first time in 5 years (since becoming parents) that we have ever left our babies over night! Now I am not saying that is a bad thing or a good thing (so not my point) but Tom and I struggle to make time to go out and do things together san kiddies. Our kids are still really young I realize that but we are making now that they are getting a little less baby stage a bigger commitment and emphasis to get out and enjoy time just the two of us. To reconnect and just enjoy each other! I will admit its really strange to have all this time with him but it has been so nice!
Learn what makes one another “tick” and practice doing the things they enjoy. For Tom he loves sports so I have chosen to learn about sports and I watch sports with him and have memorized different players ect just so I can be with him and enjoy something that he is very passionate about. I also know physical touch is a love language for him so learning your spouses love languages is important but you gotta take it one step further and do something with that learned information.
Be slow to anger and quick to forgive! I think this applies to really all relationships but especially in marriage. It is so easy after a night where you have been up multiple times with the babies to wake up short on patience and the minute your spouse doesn’t hang his bath towel back up in the bathroom loose your cool with him! Trust me I don’t know how many times I have left things on the stairs that need to go upstairs and Tom has stepped over them to go upstairs and I feel my blood rising! I can choose to get mad and really what will that solve. Ladies Ive been married to this guy for 10 years and been together for 12 trust me it still happens and I bet in 10 more years it still will so I just choose to bit my tongue and just roll with it. And on those rare (very rare) occasions that he does happen to pick up those things I make a point to thank him and really let him know how much I appreciate that he did that.
Put his needs above your own! I know we live in a world were this is very counter cultural where we put ourselves first and others second but I challenge you to put your spouse’s need above your own. There is something so beautiful about the act of selfless love and putting your self last and your spouse first. Trust me the days I put Tom first not only does he feel loved, valued and respected (which is important for him to FEEL *not just know* those things) but I feel good. I feel like I am contributing to a healthy marriage and that out of my demonstration of love to Tom I feel fulfilled.
Have fun! Don’t forget that marriage is to be fun! I can honestly say that I have fun with Tom. He especially these past two days has had me in tears laughing so hard at his wittiness and sense of humour. We have a lot of fun together as parents and as a couple and marriage isn’t all serious and just a union where you kind of act like a factory of humans. Yes we both have daily schedules that are different and some times it seems like we aren’t working in sync but the reality is since we are on the same team we have jobs to do as parents, as humans and as employees (well Tom does ) but we can make it fun! So don’t take it all too seriously and forget to make life and your marriage fun. Do something different, take a risk and just have fun and laugh!

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